It's Almost Like

I guess it is safe to say that I am stuck in a rut. I'm moving around and all I see is four walls. It was really nice being home. But I think the thing that got me most was how unadjusted I am to it. I got home after graduation and I saw that evertything did a flip on it's side. Nothing is the same, and I realized it the hard way. I always tried to know where I was going. I came home to the home I always knew, but in that home there were now different people living in it.
It's almost like, I'm stuck in a rut. I now want to back to that far away place, the place where even though I tried not to settle in I ended up doing the exact opposite. I like the way to things down there. I still hate where the life is but I ended up liking the life. I'm in this limbo because I don't want to leave my home, and on the other I know I need to leave. There are things that I wish could be another way, but they are not. I don't want to go back down south either, but then I realize it's only temporary. I have to once again leave, something I have come to loathe, and will do anything not to have to do again.
I'm just conflicted, but I know I can't stay here. I need so much more time to readjust to things, and I can not do that right now. It pains me to feel this way, but I was just so taken aback and all I know in my heart is I need to finish all this. Ironic the only way I know how is to leave, for the time. I go back for 2 and a half months and then I'm back home for two weeks for Christmas witch for me even though what I found and what has transpired I will be happy to come home. But until I'm finally done this chapter in my life, it's almost like my home is now foreign. I can easily see about 2 months of readjusting to things in the North. It's just gonna take some time. I know I'm changing and I'm not sure what is going to be different about me. Only Time will tell.